Becoming an Arsonist

The other day, I posted this photo of Satipo from a LEGO Raiders of the Lost Ark set in the group chat, along with a comment:

A decent sliding-into-X-like style joke, no?

In response, my friend wrote:

That’s me coming out of 2023 but I refuse to enter 2024 like that. I’ll still have the torch, but I’ll be the arsonist.

I’ve been thinking about that comment a lot over the last few days. How the attitude conveyed with those few words, so casually typed out, is just . . . so completely at odds with what my attitude and mindset have been since 2020.

I’ve been in survival mode for so long, doing my goddamnedest to avoid defeat, in so many forms, that I’ve forgotten what my goal should be: to win. Because, to be honest, Honestly, I don’t know that what I’ve been doing could even be called “fighting off defeat”. That implies having fight within me, and exercising agency, even if it’s in a defensive capacity. What I’ve been doing feels more like . . . surrender. Resigned to dealing with whatever comes next.

It was an intense realization to arrive at and then sit with. I’m glad it happened, though. I needed it.

So, my intent going into 2024 is to ditch the defeatist attitude, find my joie de vivre again, and win.

Next year, I think I will be the arsonist.

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