Today at work, I was showing someone this comically distorted perspective photo that M took of me last weekend, and they asked about my shoes. This got me excited, because I am enamored with these shoes and was more than willing to talk about them.
Most of the shoes that come with a tuxedo rental are ugly, uncomfortable, and generally just unpleasant to wear. Wearing them is by far my least favorite part of donning a tux. Given that I’ve attended a few formal shindigs in the last year and will likely attend more in the future, and because I actually thought about it ahead of time, I decided it was time to find some better footgear.
The shoes I found are, fittingly, called The Tux. They’re made by Amberjack. Mine are the onyx. They fit well and didn’t need much breaking in. The sole is some kind of athletic design, so even after wearing them for six hours — two of which were spent on the dance floor — my feet were still comfortable in them. The white sidewalls are what originally caught my eye, and looked marvelous in person. Even the laces remained tied the whole evening; no double-knotting required.
Marvelous shoe. I am legit looking forward to wearing them again.
Okay, enough shilling for a corporation today. Switching gears, let’s look at this story on Jezebel that made me audibly laugh this morning: Amanda Seyfried’s Prosthetic Butthole Is Resurrecting Me from the Dead.
[!PROSTHETIC BUTTHOLE SPOILER ALERT!] The prosthetic in question appears in one of the film’s final scenes. “I was pregnant and naked, but I wasn’t naked at all, and at the end of the movie, I’m standing in front of a burning building with just a merkin,” she explained. “I felt so free.”
Unfortunately, she did clarify: “You cannot see my butthole in the scene, but I swear there is a prosthetic butthole there.” Release the butthole cut.
“Release the butthole cut” is poetry.
READING: TRUST NO ONE, James Rollins
LISTENING: DUMMY, Portishead