068 – There and Back Again

Posted on by Josh Bales
Kerr Mansion Road, Poteau, Oklahoma | via unteriors

As anyone who’s perused my Instagram stories more than a handful of times will likely know, I am obsessed with old bathrooms. Aside from being almost always gorgeous and interesting-looking, they also bring out a rare bit of nostalgia in me. It’s hard to put my finger on why they do, as I am not a person typically prone to nostalgia. I look at the wildly varying color schemes and the wonderful melange of designs, and they just feel serene.

The first day of my birthday week kicked off yesterday, which was spent celebrating with my family. Birthdays in my family generally look like: drive up to Englewood, hang with my folks for a bit, then across the state line to Richmond, where we feast on pizza and breadsticks from Pizza King. Back to Englewood once more for cake, ice cream, gifts, and some light bullying by my two-and-a-half year old niece, and then head home. It’s simple, low-key, and quite perfect.

One more day of work, then I’m off for the rest of the week.

READING: about to start THE HOBBIT
LISTENING: THE VELVET UNDERGROUND & NICO

067 – TRUST NO ONE, James Rollins

Posted on by Josh Bales

I finished James Rollins’s TRUST NO ONE earlier this week. It had everything I want from a historical mystery-thriller, chiefly the rediscovery of some ancient science or technology, a historical conspiracy/mystery to solve, and lots of exciting set pieces that take place in exotic locales.

In this one, a motley group of university students is thrust into a mystery surrounding the Comte de Saint Germain, an enigmatic figure who traveled Europe in the mid-18th century and who was purportedly an alchemist. There are murders, ancient riddles to solve, secret societies waging a centuries-old fight against each other, and a really solid blending of history, science, and made-up shit.

I read a ton of books in this genre back in the 2000s. After THE DA VINCI CODE came out, publishers released a glut of similar titles. The books section at the Walmart I worked at was stuffed with them. Unfortunately, most of these books featured crap writing and the most cliched characters one could imagine, such as Drs. Conrad Yeats and Serena Serghetti in RAISING ATLANTIS. By the end of the aughts, I was pretty burnt out on the genre.

TRUST NO ONE felt like one of Rollins’s earlier novels. It’s a standalone adventure, one that isn’t explicitly set in his SIGMA FORCE series universe. I prefer standalone novels in this genre. After two or three books, it’s like… honestly, how many biblical artifacts, lost cities, and historical mysteries can one person put to rest? (Indiana Jones, as the OG, is of course exempt from this criticism. In fact, the world actually needs more Indiana Jones novels in it.) Now that I think about it, the last Rollins novel I read was 2009’s ALTAR OF EDEN, which was also a standalone book.

One thing I appreciated about TRUST NO ONE is that the protagonists were somewhat more relatable than in other books of its ilk. The characters are not badass, special forces super scientists, like the ones that make up Sigma Force. That said, Sharyn Karr, TRUST NO ONE’S main protagonist lady, is a librarian in training who knows a martial art or two, how to fight with a knife, and pick locks. Plus, the other characters each possess some skill or knowledge that is useful to the plot. Oh, the hunky love interest is also 16th in line for the English throne.

In Rollins’s defense, it’s not like the characters can be too relatable. No one wants to read a book about some dude who makes spreadsheets and sits on Teams calls for a living, who is begrudgingly drawn into a race-against-time plot to find the lost library of Alexander, who doesn’t have the patience to solve riddles and is constantly getting knocked out. Realistically, such a character would likely be dead by the end of the first act…

Final thoughts: TRUST NO ONE is a fun, easy read in a genre I dearly love. I hope it’s not another 17 years before Rollins writes another one-off thriller.

066 – preSpring

Posted on by Josh Bales

I opened the windows in my office at 10 am on Friday and breathed in the outdoors. It was invigorating. Only a slight chill to the air. On the other side of the glass, the sun was shining brightly. The windows remained open. I watched a squirrel lounging on the arm of an outdoor chair, his legs sprawled out in front of him. More windows were opened. We went for a walk after work. That evening, we sat outside and ate Impossible burgers with chips and salsa and watermelon for dinner.

The windows stayed open all day today while we cleaned and hung out.

I know this is only preSpring, and it won’t last. But I will happily take advantage of it while it’s still here.

Also last night: fucking around with the galaxy projector while Clairo played on the bluetooth speaker and the windows were open.

LAST READ: TRUST NO ONE, James Rollins
LISTENING: SPAWN: THE ALBUM (Incubus’s “Familiar” still slaps!)

LAST WATCHED: THE THIN MAN

062 – Shoes and Prosthetic Buttholes

Posted on by Josh Bales

Today at work, I was showing someone this comically distorted perspective photo that M took of me last weekend, and they asked about my shoes. This got me excited, because I am enamored with these shoes and was more than willing to talk about them.

Most of the shoes that come with a tuxedo rental are ugly, uncomfortable, and generally just unpleasant to wear. Wearing them is by far my least favorite part of donning a tux. Given that I’ve attended a few formal shindigs in the last year and will likely attend more in the future, and because I actually thought about it ahead of time, I decided it was time to find some better footgear.

The shoes I found are, fittingly, called The Tux. They’re made by Amberjack. Mine are the onyx. They fit well and didn’t need much breaking in. The sole is some kind of athletic design, so even after wearing them for six hours — two of which were spent on the dance floor — my feet were still comfortable in them. The white sidewalls are what originally caught my eye, and looked marvelous in person. Even the laces remained tied the whole evening; no double-knotting required.

Marvelous shoe. I am legit looking forward to wearing them again.

Okay, enough shilling for a corporation today. Switching gears, let’s look at this story on Jezebel that made me audibly laugh this morning: Amanda Seyfried’s Prosthetic Butthole Is Resurrecting Me from the Dead.

[!PROSTHETIC BUTTHOLE SPOILER ALERT!] The prosthetic in question appears in one of the film’s final scenes. “I was pregnant and naked, but I wasn’t naked at all, and at the end of the movie, I’m standing in front of a burning building with just a merkin,” she explained. “I felt so free.”

Unfortunately, she did clarify: “You cannot see my butthole in the scene, but I swear there is a prosthetic butthole there.” Release the butthole cut.

“Release the butthole cut” is poetry.

READING: TRUST NO ONE, James Rollins
LISTENING: DUMMY, Portishead

060 – Adult Prom

Posted on by Josh Bales

Dayton Adult Prom, February 2026. The solo shots encapsulate our respective personalities fairly well.

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FROM THE WIRE:

LAST READ: “The Alpine Divorce”, Robert Barr

LISTENING: “Cars”, Fear Factory

059 – A Curatorial Approach

Posted on by Josh Bales

My first edition of TRAVELS, Michael Crichton’s autobiographical book, came in the mail today. It’s a lovely object.

Several years ago, I consciously changed my book collecting approach to put less focus on accruing and more on curating. I love owning books: love the way they look, smell, and feel in a home, but I also don’t want every room in the house to be a library. I still buy books, obviously, but I’m more selective in what I choose to own a physical copy of. For some authors, whom I still enjoy reading but whose books I no longer need on my shelves, I may instead buy the Kindle version of their newer books. I’ve also taken to upgrading books by my favorite authors from a cheaper copy to a nicer edition (where it makes sense). Sometimes it’s buying a first edition, like with TRAVELS. Other times, it might be a copy from a specialty publisher, like Folio Society or Centipede Press. It’s changed the flavor of collecting for me in a way I’ve enjoyed.

I still love a cheap paperback, though, especially the ones that came out during the 50s and 60s. Two of my favorite sf books are from this era: Edgar Rice Burroughs’s THE LOST CONTINENT and HIDDEN WORLD, by Stanton A. Coblentz. I have a paperback copy of both, and even though both books have pages that have been slowly trying to escape their binding for decades, I can’t imagine ever letting go of them.

LISTENING: “Give Me Money”, Abby Webster
LAST WATCHED: NAPOLEON DYNAMITE

058 – Bubbly

Posted on by Josh Bales

I was in a malaise for most of today, for no reason as far as I could tell. Just one of those days where the brain decides it’s going to be a little shit. I couldn’t focus for much of the afternoon, and spent the last hour of my workday organizing my office.

A walk after work and pizza for dinner helped pull me out of it. By the time we started NAPOLEON DYNAMITE, I was back to good spirits. The warm chocolate cookie afterwards simply put a bow on the evening.

LAST WATCHED: NAPOLEON DYNAMITE

057 – The Brave

Posted on by Josh Bales

Embarrassing.

I took some ibuprofen earlier and can move my head around now with minimal discomfort. I may use the heating pad after dinner. I expect I’ll make a full recovery.

(The statue so disrespectfully referenced in my threet is the Haserot Angel, by Herman Matzen. It’s in my neck of the woods, too, so to speak: just a few hours up north in Cleveland, located inside a cemetery.)

LAST WATCHED: SPIRITED AWAY (not the one about the horse that came out around the same time)
LISTENING: MY BRAIN HURTS, Screeching Weasel (the best of all Weasel records)

056 – Thots and Players

Posted on by Josh Bales

I’m always heads down and focused at work, making spreadsheets sexy and looking into the most important things.

Low-key evening. By the end of the workday, I was feeling very meh. Tired and kind of achy. I don’t think I’m getting sick; more likely my body is getting rundown from several nights of less than stellar sleep and some good ol’ fashioned Being Busy.

So tonight we got dinner from Hate Chicken, cozied up under the heated blanket on the pull-out couch in the basement, and watched SPIRITED AWAY.

055 – The Quarterly Botox

Posted on by Josh Bales

My quarterly Botox appointment was today, which meant an afternoon jaunt over to Columbus. Had a lovely drive there, with minimal traffic and a good podcast. The appointment went fine. Then a less lovely drive home: 30 minutes longer, three or four lane-closing accidents, and dumbasses in their dumbass cars everywhere. My soundtrack this time was some angry punk rock.

Today’s drive did bring home the fact that it might be time to find someone in Dayton who can do the Botox. I get it injected into my masseter muscles to help me not clench my jaw. It’s pricey but been so worth it. Before I started getting it done a couple of years ago, my jaw would ache from constant clenching, and I’d have a decent headache most days. So I need to figure out if I must go to a dentist to get this kind of Botox, or if some kind of Botox clinic can do it. I just know I would prefer to not make this quarterly drive to Columbus again, if I can help it.

Lucifer statue at Holy Trinity church in Marylebone.

This showed up in my Instagram feed again. Next time I make it back to England, I really do need to check out the Statue of Lucifer art installation at Holy Trinity Church, in Marylebone, Westminster.

RECENTLY:

LAST READ: THE LOTTERY AND OTHER STORIES, Shirley Jackson
LISTENING: HARDCORE HISTORY: BLUEPRINT FOR ARMAGEDDON, Part 4